Wide-eyed I was rummaging through the jam packed pantry for anything good to satisfy my grumble. The pantry was full of twenty different smells from tortilla chips, cereal, boxes, to the faint smell of the trash. Three shelves piled full of food, junk food, breakfast food, and chips. I had no idea what I was looking for, succulent shellfish, or some glistening butter filled popcorn. I needed to indulge. I just couldn’t help myself; it was absolutely useless to try and fight the looming craving for junk. Then I looked down at the beautifully fake airbrushed women on the cover of my Cosmo magazine conveniently placed next to all of the greasy delight. These magazines sure do a good job on making any average person feel like a fat tub-o-lard, though. I mean just looking at the cover the main picture is a size zero woman with a perfect glass doll face, and all of the captions around it include: How to Lose Weight, Work Your Buns and Thighs to Get a Tighter Figure, and How to Look Like Her with an arrow bringing you right back to Barbie you instantly love to hate. Ahhhhhhhrrrrrrggggg! I can’t eat this I’ll end up looking like an aging hippo in less than a year. Pear-shaped is what I’ll turn into first, and then eventually I won’t have any shape at all. I will be, well, apple-shaped. Oh, man, but I really have a craving. Just a little to satisfy it couldn’t possibly hurt anything, right? No, I can’t. I don’t want to look like some mushy old lady that everyone looks at and says, “She’s satisfied a few too many cravings.” But, no worries! Super conveniently, I looked down at the carefully placed magazines again next to what my tongue was screaming for. It caught my eye, saying, “Exhilarating, fun new exercise, yoga!” I decided to read it and see what it was all about. Maybe it would give me enough motivation to deny the grasps of my craving. I figured seeing more pint-sized women would help to make sure my craving would cease to exist. Instantly I plunged into this intense topic of yoga still standing in the pantry door just in case I decided to take the chance at being a fat slob. There was a bewildering array of options: yoga, spinning, and Pilates, all different classes with all different times to fit your schedule. I was shocked! I kept reading on the yoga since that was what had distracted me in the first place. My goodness; downward dog, cobra, plow, these were all such evocative names for a workout. The only pose I had a feeling I would be in after any one of those was the corpse pose. Yeah, that’s right, flat on my back looking like I should be in a coffin about to go six feet under. Eeeeeek! I finally threw down the magazine and thrashed my arms about like a lunatic in defeat bolting away like a banshee from that pantry. I figured if I had to go through the corpse pose after eating just one handful of the buttery deliciousness, then it wasn’t even worth the crunch.
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